self-despair
nounEtymology From self- + despair.
1
Despair about oneself or one's own actions or behaviour.
- Her flame […] soared after some illimitable satisfaction, which would reconcile self-despair with the rapturous consciousness of life beyond self.1872, George Eliot, Middlemarch, Prelude
- Tripping herself up with sadder and more and more neurotic acts of self-despair.2007, Alexander Theroux, chapter 45, in Laura Warholic: